Being in Christ, especially if you are serious about your walk with Him, you become intentional in all things – that even includes your heart and mind & allowing Him to work on it. Because I know that God cares for me and all He wants is my best, he was the one who I ran to when I had my first sting of betrayal by someone who I cared for deeply. When the heartache, pain & disappointment arrived, nothing made me more glad than knowing that I had the throne of the Lord to run towards.
I LAID DOWN EVERYTHING.
I laid down everything and expected rapid healing because in my journey in discovering Christ, one of the many aspects of His power that I learned was that He could make healing come just like that! When this nugget was revealed to me, I thought to myself,
“You’re saying to me that the amount of time it took for the heartaches to fester away pre-saved could have been significantly less! BRUH! God you serious?”
Then I wondered...if people only knew the truth; if they knew that they didn’t have to stay suffering for so long; that if they only heeded the voice of the Lord & submitted their entire life to Him; then we’d all be much further ahead in life and not in bondage to our emotions, mind games & all that the enemy tries to place on us to keep us from reaching our God given purpose & destiny. Remember in John 10:10 (NIV) it says,
“10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
That thief is the devil who wants to steal your opportunities from you; kill that dream & hope in you; & destroy you by all means necessary crushing your spirit & tainting who God really is. BUT the verse continues,
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Him-Jesus, came so that you may know who & whose you are; what He created you for & so that you may achieve all that He has placed within you. And that does not include being emotionally unstable and walking around with heartache & any other dead weight that takes away from His glory & plans to prosper you.
Knowing this really opened up my eyes to so much, so I naturally gave Him my severely wounded, disappointed, hopeless heart because there was no way that I was going to mourn for years to come from this betrayal. Yes, sadly, some people mourn for years & don’t even know it. I’d made up my mind that I wanted to be better & not bitter; to maintain my inner-woman (holy spirit) so that we would both live in peace and thus others who are and come into my life.
In that time me & Jesus’ relationship blossomed. To be honest, I miss that intimacy during that time. It says
Psalm 34:18 says,
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This is who we are: the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.”
It couldn’t have been truer.
My healing took longer than I expected, but He never fails & once you’re in Him,
He’s always on time. What’s is critical though, is you being ready!
I didn’t know what the journey would look like; what I was to feel; or how I was to surrender it all to Him, even though I had confessed it with my mouth. Though healed, I’m still trying to figure out what the surrender is suppose to look or feel like. But I don’t dwell on it much right now because hey! I’m healed, free, whole & I feel the joy – just as He promised!
Below is just a few observations, thoughts & emotions that arose during my healing.
Healing looks like:
- not allowing the pain or hurt to make you bitter
- not allowing your emotions to control or determine where you are in life
- surrendering (I’m still trying to put in words what that looks like because I’m still figuring it out)
- pushing it all out by force, even when you don’t want to because you don’t know what life will be like without the pain
- nights filled with tears because you can still feel the pain and hurt and disappointment when it happened
- nights filled with tears just because
- you’re birthing out a baby, yet instead you’re birthing out a part of your character that the lord wants to polish up and reveal to you
- jumping off a cliff – a bit scared even though you know that you’ll land on firm yet soft grounds, because you’ll be falling into the arms of Jesus
- forcing to see what God protected you from
- understanding that the rejection was for your protection even if you don’t feel it
- declaring that you are healed & whole despite what your heart is saying
- allowing the words of people and sermons that the lord has sent to you to sink in so deep that they start to plant a seed, hope & a thought
- believing in the miracle before you even see it
- grabbing a hold of that thought sent to deter you and flipping it around. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) says,
“5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
- believing God’s words about everything working together for the good of those who love the Lord. Romans 8:28 (NIV) says,
“28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.”
- can sometimes, if not most times, be messy. You want to understand it all but the Lord only allows you to see and understand that much. Isiah 55:8 (NIV) says,
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
- the Lord pulling a leach out of you and with every pull you pull back because what He is taking out hurts so much
- is believing that it is well with your soul despite what’s going on around you
- looks like you’ve been placed in a tomb but really it was a setup because now that tomb has turned into a womb and when you’ve finally given birth to your own self, you come out dripping in His glory; promises in His Word & in His faith & authority. (Taken from Sarah Jakes Robert sermon – The Sequel & Steven Furtik sermon – Come Through Drippin)
- is like walking through coals of fire and wanting to turn back cause it burns too much but pushing through because you see that prize, that crown, that new you. That new you who’s learned so much and gained so much and though you lost somethings got turned it around
- is rediscovering and discovering what brings you real joy and deciding to pursue them
- forgiveness firstly to yourself for selling yourself so short and forgiveness for and to that person who sometimes has no idea what they just did because they’re blind to the inner workings and blessings of the lord
- forgiveness to that person for not choosing you or more so, for not choosing themselves.
That’s just some of what healing looks like. AND guess what?
I MADE IT THROUGH!!!
And YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH TOO!
I know it’s hard & your spirit feels broken but stick close to the Lord because what the enemy meant for harm, He will turn it around for Him & His glory.
You will be whole again; actually feel & have pure happiness & joy; free. Eventually you won’t even cringe at the memory.
Remember, Galations 6:9 says,
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Love you. I’m praying for you.